Loving Me After We

May 27, 2024
Psychotherapist Dean debuts with a well-intentioned if haphazard guide to recovering from harmful romantic relationships. Breaking her program down into three parts, she encourages readers first to focus on self-care and introspection, before identifying how such defense mechanisms as denying abuse make volatile relationships feel more stable and examining how “parts of ourselves that we have... repressed”—including formative childhood experiences—shape one’s relationship patterns. Lastly, readers can look toward the future by identifying the core values they share with their partner, setting boundaries, and forging a “conscious love” that affords each person space to evolve within the relationship. Though Dean weaves in valuable insights gained from surviving her own “toxic rollercoaster” of a marriage, she introduces a surfeit of concepts that often go underdeveloped and crowd out room for hands-on exercises. Part two, for instance, covers shadow and ego work—which involves exploring repressed parts of one’s psyche, toxic shame cycles, attachment styles, trauma respose styles, “survival-based relationships,” and “repetitive compulsions” in relationships. There’s some solid information here, but readers may want to look elsewhere for a more actionable guide to healing from heartbreak.